You cannot control perception. This is something I learned very recently. My son and I traveled to New York this week. Our hotel served complimentary breakfast so everyday my son and I would go down to the lobby to eat and talk. No tablet and no phones because this is norm for our little family at the table. On our last day at the hotel, I allowed Desi to take the tablet down so he could enjoy a little time "to himself " at the table. As I sat down with my food I watched Desi as he chewed silently and swung his feet back and forth with delight. It made me smile. I peered over to my left a noticed a woman with her grandson sitting at a table. I noticed that there were no phones out at their table. An insecure thought rushed over me. "Oh gosh she must think that I am a horrible mother because I am sitting here on my phone not interacting with my son who is on his TABLET! Ugh! I should tell him to put it down and start engaging in some deep mother son conversation." Insecurity met with panic and I began to think that maybe I should explain myself or put my phone down. Then the friend in me told me to calm it down. I had to remind myself that this woman does not know me. She has never seen me or any interactions I have had with my son. All she sees is the story in front of her and this story is long. There will be no time to turn any pages as we will go our separate ways. A few moments passed and low and behold, the grandma pulls out her phone and hands it to her bored grandson and he excitedly starts up a game. I chuckled to myself because I had worked myself up over something I had no control over and there was no need. Ultimately I had perceived the wrong thing about her. I perceived her to be judgemental and honestly she was not even thinking about me.
I learned that although others perception of you is an uncontrolled matter (real or imagined situations), you can control how you treat the matter. Be kind to yourself and be your own friend.
At the end of the day I know that I am a wonderful mom and I am very capable. My husband knows and those that are close to me know. I am almost upset with myself for allowing my thoughts to go so far down a road but I was able to gain a lesson from it.
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