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EphiphaME

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A few months back, my dear friend approached me expressing her concern regarding my overall state of being. She noticed that I was nearing a point of break down. She was right. I had been so engrossed in caring for the boys and my husband that I was neglecting myself. Unhappiness must have been my outer garment because my friend SAW me. She implored me to take some time out for myself in order to take care of ME. She assured me that I would not be selfish if I did this. After that interaction with her, my eyes were open. I immediately talked to my husband about that conversation and how I was feeling. He encouraged me to take some time and reminded me that he had been trying to get me to do that for a while. I realized then how stubborn I was.

Every Sunday I designate 3 hrs to myself. I use that time to decompress and reconnect with myself. During the warmer months, I would walk around my favorite lake. Now that it is colder, I shop or I chill in my room with the door locked and do anything my heart desires while the kids are with my husband. Sometimes my husband takes the kids out while I hang out in the house. As an anxiety/depression sufferer this time I have set aside is invaluable. I am able to focus on breathing because believe it or not, I go through the day forgetting to breathe. I am tense all day and my mind feels like an overwhelming traffic jam of intense thoughts and worry. It's exhausting. So I have tried to incorporate some breathing exercises during my time alone as well.

There is really nothing extravagant that I do but it is just time with me. It took me some time to get to the point where this time apart from my family didn't make me feel guilty or make me feel like I was neglecting them. At first the guilt was so bad that I would punish myself by trying not to have fun by myself. It sounds crazy but it's the truth. I no longer punish myself. I thoroughly enjoy my time alone and I always return to my family refreshed and ready.

When it all boils down to it, I hold my family together and if I am unable to hold myself together then my family will suffer. I see the importance of putting myself first (in a balanced and healthy way) and the importance of having good friends in my life and a wonderfully supportive husband. Life is good and I am determined to keep it that way.

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