Live, Laugh, Pray, Love Mommy

You cannot control perception. This is something I learned very recently. My son and I traveled to New York this week. Our hotel served complimentary breakfast so everyday my son and I would go down to the lobby to eat and talk. No tablet and no phones because this is norm for our little family at the table. On our last day at the hotel, I allowed Desi to take the tablet down so he could enjoy a little time "to himself " at the table. As I sat down with my food I watched Desi as he chewed silently and swung his feet back and forth with delight. It made me smile. I peered over to my left a noticed a woman with her grandson sitting at a table. I noticed that there were no phones out at their table. An insecure thought rushed over me. "Oh gosh she must think that I am a horrible mother because I am sitting here on my phone not interacting with my son who is on his TABLET! Ugh! I should tell him to put it down and start engaging in some deep mother son conversation." I...

A few months back, my dear friend approached me expressing her concern regarding my overall state of being. She noticed that I was nearing a point of break down. She was right. I had been so engrossed in caring for the boys and my husband that I was neglecting myself. Unhappiness must have been my outer garment because my friend SAW me. She implored me to take some time out for myself in order to take care of ME. She assured me that I would not be selfish if I did this. After that interaction with her, my eyes were open. I immediately talked to my husband about that conversation and how I was feeling. He encouraged me to take some time and reminded me that he had been trying to get me to do that for a while. I realized then how stubborn I was. Every Sunday I designate 3 hrs to myself. I use that time to decompress and reconnect with myself. During the warmer months, I would walk around my favorite lake. Now that it is colder, I shop or I chill in my room with the door locked and d...

Anxiety is such an emotional monster. I tell you. It can be so debilitating at times. Just yesterday I had to get back on my meds because I was getting to the point where I was unable to function with life around me. I was constantly on edge, quick-tempered, worrying about this and that, happy and sad all at the same time it seemed. I wasn't present. I was zoned out -- often in a daze. I figured this wasn't good for my husband and my boys so I popped my pill. I stopped taking my medication around the time I was 6 weeks pregnant and I didn't take it after I had Omari because I was nursing him exclusively. Well, Omari is mainly on formula now. I nurse him in the morning and evenings, but now that I am taking my medication that will have to stop. I am fine with that. I have to take care of myself in this regard. I am not sure if I will have to be on medication forever but all I know is I need balance and this is what will help me right now.