Live, Laugh, Pray, Love Mommy

You cannot control perception. This is something I learned very recently. My son and I traveled to New York this week. Our hotel served complimentary breakfast so everyday my son and I would go down to the lobby to eat and talk. No tablet and no phones because this is norm for our little family at the table. On our last day at the hotel, I allowed Desi to take the tablet down so he could enjoy a little time "to himself " at the table. As I sat down with my food I watched Desi as he chewed silently and swung his feet back and forth with delight. It made me smile. I peered over to my left a noticed a woman with her grandson sitting at a table. I noticed that there were no phones out at their table. An insecure thought rushed over me. "Oh gosh she must think that I am a horrible mother because I am sitting here on my phone not interacting with my son who is on his TABLET! Ugh! I should tell him to put it down and start engaging in some deep mother son conversation." I

A few months back, my dear friend approached me expressing her concern regarding my overall state of being. She noticed that I was nearing a point of break down. She was right. I had been so engrossed in caring for the boys and my husband that I was neglecting myself. Unhappiness must have been my outer garment because my friend SAW me. She implored me to take some time out for myself in order to take care of ME. She assured me that I would not be selfish if I did this. After that interaction with her, my eyes were open. I immediately talked to my husband about that conversation and how I was feeling. He encouraged me to take some time and reminded me that he had been trying to get me to do that for a while. I realized then how stubborn I was. Every Sunday I designate 3 hrs to myself. I use that time to decompress and reconnect with myself. During the warmer months, I would walk around my favorite lake. Now that it is colder, I shop or I chill in my room with the door locked and do an

I finally did it! I have submitted my manuscript for my children's book and it has been accepted for publishing! I am going to be an author. I have imagined this for most of my lifetime. I fought back self doubt and fear and I am proud to say that I have succeeded. I have penned a very cute and interactive story for young ones to dive into. I can't wait to see how it all comes together. I decided to submit my manuscript to a hybrid publishing company. A hybrid publisher is a fusion between self publishing and traditional publishing. A publishing agent from the company contacted me and explained their services (editing, illustrating, type setting, marketing and many more), she let me know that they were pretty particular with the type of books they approve to publish so just submit and "we will see what happens." It took me months to submit it, I have to admit, because I was extremely nervous and the possibility of the rejection would have burned. However, I did it and

I am still on a journey to find out the cause of my challenged health. It is almost like an episode of Mystery Diagnosis when I reflect on my experience. I have been back and forth to the doctor (not only of recent but throughout the years as well) and getting a series of tests done. My previous post, "Heart of the Matter 2," revealed that I did not have a heart issue but I recently got a message from my doc stating that they reviewed the video the Cardiologist sent them and his notes indicated Pulmonary Hypertension. She ordered a rush chest X-ray to see if anything is going on with my lungs and everything came back normal, which was good news. My doctor has advised that she wanted me to get a CT Pulmonary Angiogram done since the first one did not focus on my lungs. I scheduled that for January 2nd. Once that comes back, we will know more and I may be referred to a Pulmonary specialist for further testing. Of course, I googled Pulmonary Hypertension and found out that it

In the morning I wake to the beaming eyes of the sun I am instantly taken by a sweet calm comparable to a brisk breeze where a river runs The way he shines through my window warms the very vessel of my heart I know he will be with me throughout the day-we will never part I reach out to the sun and lift him to feel the warmth against my face As I kiss the sun I bring him in close-a sweet embrace His tiny rays tickle my skin….I grin I sit and admire the way he lights up the room And fills the air with a sweet and odorless perfume The sun is so pure and organic Untainted by impurities hovering below him because he rises so high The sun rises so high, as the arms of the clouds lift him up in the sky So thankful for these moments What a beautiful sight to see He feeds my soul and brings nourishment to my body I kiss the sun good night and fall fast to sleep Soon morning will come and I will rise again to the beaming eyes of the sun.

You don’t really know who you are until you go through something. Sometimes true colors form a distasteful work of art. Other times colors bring forth a masterpiece . As you look at yourself as the distasteful work of art, you want to shred every inch of it to pieces, stomp on it, light a match to it and watch it burn, baby, burn. But this sweet revelation comes over you as you begin to peer into its darkness . You don’t like what you see, but it is an art… you are the art at work. Yes, those true colors came from a deep and dark place, but you have the power to change the makeup of that piece of work and turn it into a masterpiece . It may be a challenge as you try to create new strokes, but the more dedication and effort you put into it, the more you begin to see reflections of a new piece a work…this is the art of you.

Change is inevitable How you gonna receive it? Take it in-inhale it Throw it away-run from it The choice is yours It’s up to you Come down off the high horse Bring it to some water Save your life See a new tomorrow Don’t live your life confined to complaint It keeps you from breathing Puts your body under restraint Break free-free open your eyes and give it a try Stuck in your ways and you won’t leave the maze It’s up to you.

It has been a month since my last post regarding my health. As of today, my heart is fine. My chest pains have subsided and the fatigue is no longer over-bearing. My latest blood test revealed that I have inflammation somewhere in my body. The doctors are not sure what the cause is. I went to the Rheumatologist and she confirmed that I did not have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis or any other autoimmune disease. That was a relief to hear. Although I was relieved, I felt a little defeated. I was hoping to get some answers and a solution to the problem. My mother suggested that I eliminate some of the medication I take. I tried eliminating my anxiety medication (with the help of my doc of course). I was going strong for about 2 weeks without it but found I needed to get back to taking it. Next was the birth control. I read that birth control can be the culprit so I stopped taking it. I have known for some time that the pill does more harm than good on a woman's body but I didn't

In my last post I wrote about an issue I'm having with my health. Do we know what that issue is yet? No. The results came back regarding my heart and all is well. I have a healthy heart! I am so glad that those results were negative. However, the question still remains. What is going on with my body? I had a follow-up appointment with my primary care doctor last week and they advised that my latest blood test showed that my C-reactive protein levels and my sedimentation rate was really high. Which indicates that there is inflammation in my body. They are not sure what is causing the inflammation so they want me to follow up with the Rheumatologist. This is not the first time that I've heard that my C-reactive protein is high. Years ago, I was under the care of a different primary care doctor. I presented with the same issues and he did a blood test and said my C-reactive protein was high. He suggested I see an infectious disease doctor. Results for those tests (i.e  Lyme diseas

I am sick and do not know why. I have been dealing with some serious symptoms. I have always dealt with extreme fatigue but in the past 2 years it has become nearly debilitating. I find it hard to do simple things like grocery shopping or doing chores around the house or walking up the steps or putting my clothes on. I experience extreme fatigue with these activities and it usually takes me a day or two to recoup. I have dizziness, and heart palpitations. I have recently experienced chest pain. It wasn't until I started having chest pains during sex when I decided it was time to take a visit to the doctor. My doctor advised that this could be something related to my heart. Since visiting the doctor, I have had blood tests that show I am healthy and I recently did a stress test and 2D Echo that showed my heart was fine. I immediately felt like a fool and quickly reasoned that this was possibly in my head. I have an angiogram scheduled for tomorrow but I don't think anything will

I have developed an affinity for red wine. I am not quite sure why it has taken this long. I have been a lover of white wine since legal drinking age. However, I experience something different when my lips brush up against the smooth and luscious note of this red libation. I get a more mature and settled feeling. All in the world is clear and concise. I even hold my glass with a sophisticated elegance. It loving coaxes me to cross my legs, lean back, and breathe deeply. I am relaxed. I am still. This is just what I need. I still love my white wine but I am falling for ruby kisses.

One day I was searching the web for something that would provide me with a little extra change in my pocket. I searched make-up, essential oils, selling clothes on line etc. None of these made me feel like I could stick with it (I do not have a selling bone in my body). I have a fear of not being able to sell anything. I remember trying to sell Katydids back in elementary school for a fundraiser. I sold not one box. I was too anxious about actually having to talk to people and convince them to buy something. My mom ended up paying for all of it because we ate majority of the candy. In my adult years I tried to sell home, auto, and life insurance (not my cup of tea), I tried selling a pink drink (I wasn't feeling it), and some other things I can't remember. I needed something that I could be passionate about. I came across a company called Fundanoodle. I had not heard of it before. It caught my attention immediately. The products are absolutely amazing! I was drawn to the I Can

I am woman I bleed for love I carry the seed for love There is strength in my womb and my soul carries the weight of the future Nothing would stand without the right hand I am the confidence builder for any man See my beauty on the darkest of days I will beam like sunlight to show you the way Never underestimate the intelligence built within me Adam was a perfect man but admitted he needed me Lay on my heart Hear the story it will tell It beats for love and that will never fail I am woman wonderfully made and exceptional I am woman I am powerful

I prefer the color purple rather than the color pink. Purple is the color I like the most because I think it is beautiful. A month ago my son revealed his color preference and I wasn't prepared. It has taken me some time to think about whether I would write about this topic or not as it is pretty sensitive but in the end I feel like not writing about it would bring a constant nagging that would be hard to escape. About a month ago, my oldest son, Desmond asked me to place my hand up against his hand and I did not understand why. He analyzed his hand and mine and proceeded to say, "I wish I had you and Omari's color brown." My heart betrayed me and stopped. All my senses went numb. I couldn't believe what my wonderfully made son just said. I asked him why he felt that way and he said that my brown and his brother's brown was a better brown because it's lighter. I pushed past the ringing in my ear and lovingly asked him if someone at school was saying mean

I took a break from writing. It was a break that I didn't know I needed but it kind of happened naturally. A few months ago, my son Desmond lovingly counseled me on how much attention I have been paying to my phone. He was right. My head was down too often enough for him to notice. I can't let that happen again. These moments with my babies are too precious and fragile. I definitely need to HANDLE WITH CARE. So with that being said, I am back but I am going to exercise a little more balance. I love writing but sometimes I get too needy. I turn into the clingy girlfriend with it. I also started getting obsessed with gaining followers and popularity with the media spectators. I wanted people to really enjoy my blog as much as I do (and I wanted to make a little money too. Shoot). I can't worry myself about it. That will take a backseat. My children come first. I am going to be more cautious this time around. I will find a balance. I have been humbled. I truly appreciate par