Live, Laugh, Pray, Love Mommy

Being a mother is challenging. We are tasked with running our household all while working full time outside our home. We are the cook, the doctor, the nurse, and the counselor. Some of us are praised by our husbands and children and some of us are not. Some of us lose ourselves in it all. We have no days off. Being a mother is indeed challenging. Being a mother with a mental illness adds an additional challenge to these challenges. I am a mother with a mental illness. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. A lot of my anxiety is internalized so as to not disrupt the flow of the people in my world. Since the age of 4 I have had great fear and worry over everything. Things that have happened and haven't happened. The panic came later in my life. I cannot go to certain malls and huge gatherings. As a mother the anxiety has grown. I take my medication faithfully and I feel that it has helped the flow of traffic in my mind however, nothing can completely take it away. I feel like it...

A few months back, my dear friend approached me expressing her concern regarding my overall state of being. She noticed that I was nearing a point of break down. She was right. I had been so engrossed in caring for the boys and my husband that I was neglecting myself. Unhappiness must have been my outer garment because my friend SAW me. She implored me to take some time out for myself in order to take care of ME. She assured me that I would not be selfish if I did this. After that interaction with her, my eyes were open. I immediately talked to my husband about that conversation and how I was feeling. He encouraged me to take some time and reminded me that he had been trying to get me to do that for a while. I realized then how stubborn I was. Every Sunday I designate 3 hrs to myself. I use that time to decompress and reconnect with myself. During the warmer months, I would walk around my favorite lake. Now that it is colder, I shop or I chill in my room with the door locked and d...

I finally did it! I have submitted my manuscript for my children's book and it has been accepted for publishing! I am going to be an author. I have imagined this for most of my lifetime. I fought back self doubt and fear and I am proud to say that I have succeeded. I have penned a very cute and interactive story for young ones to dive into. I can't wait to see how it all comes together. I decided to submit my manuscript to a hybrid publishing company. A hybrid publisher is a fusion between self publishing and traditional publishing. A publishing agent from the company contacted me and explained their services (editing, illustrating, type setting, marketing and many more), she let me know that they were pretty particular with the type of books they approve to publish so just submit and "we will see what happens." It took me months to submit it, I have to admit, because I was extremely nervous and the possibility of the rejection would have burned. However, I did it and...

I am sick and do not know why. I have been dealing with some serious symptoms. I have always dealt with extreme fatigue but in the past 2 years it has become nearly debilitating. I find it hard to do simple things like grocery shopping or doing chores around the house or walking up the steps or putting my clothes on. I experience extreme fatigue with these activities and it usually takes me a day or two to recoup. I have dizziness, and heart palpitations. I have recently experienced chest pain. It wasn't until I started having chest pains during sex when I decided it was time to take a visit to the doctor. My doctor advised that this could be something related to my heart. Since visiting the doctor, I have had blood tests that show I am healthy and I recently did a stress test and 2D Echo that showed my heart was fine. I immediately felt like a fool and quickly reasoned that this was possibly in my head. I have an angiogram scheduled for tomorrow but I don't think anything will...

I am woman I bleed for love I carry the seed for love There is strength in my womb and my soul carries the weight of the future Nothing would stand without the right hand I am the confidence builder for any man See my beauty on the darkest of days I will beam like sunlight to show you the way Never underestimate the intelligence built within me Adam was a perfect man but admitted he needed me Lay on my heart Hear the story it will tell It beats for love and that will never fail I am woman wonderfully made and exceptional I am woman I am powerful

I prefer the color purple rather than the color pink. Purple is the color I like the most because I think it is beautiful. A month ago my son revealed his color preference and I wasn't prepared. It has taken me some time to think about whether I would write about this topic or not as it is pretty sensitive but in the end I feel like not writing about it would bring a constant nagging that would be hard to escape. About a month ago, my oldest son, Desmond asked me to place my hand up against his hand and I did not understand why. He analyzed his hand and mine and proceeded to say, "I wish I had you and Omari's color brown." My heart betrayed me and stopped. All my senses went numb. I couldn't believe what my wonderfully made son just said. I asked him why he felt that way and he said that my brown and his brother's brown was a better brown because it's lighter. I pushed past the ringing in my ear and lovingly asked him if someone at school was saying mean ...

I have a confession to make. I don't shave my legs in the winter. Random. Yes. But I know that I am not the only woman on this earth that skips this step when it's cold outside. Let's be real. I can be sexy with some hair on my legs right? I don't feel any less sexy and my husband is cool with it. I asked him on many occasions to the point where he told me to stop asking. He said as long as he can't braid it he is cool. LOL! Would I shave my legs if he didn't like it? Of course! I want to make him happy. It feels good to know that my hubby is happy with just me though. I am putting my business all the way out there but that's alright. I am cool with it because I have already impressed the man I want for the rest of my life and I don't need approval from anyone else but him. I just need to know if I am the only chic out here that allows my legs to be extra warm in the winter. Think about it. It's pretty practical and cost effective. You are giving yo...

I did absolutely no adulting today. I woke up and my body said "No, no, honey NOT today." Apparently, I wasn't about that 'momlife' either because I didn't do anything with the kids. They pretty much entertained themselves. I mean, of course, I fed them and made them wash their faces and brush their teeth but Desi pretty much went on an electronic binge today. He shuffled from playing some Lego Marvel game on the Playstation to watching hours of Kids Youtube. He is literally still watching as I type this and he should seriously be in bed right now. I am just too tired to put the energy into making him get up to get ready for bed. I will get to that point in about 20 minutes though....I just want to milk this rebellious state of mind a little longer. And where is my baby Omari? Oh, he is just passed out on my lap. Lol! I didn't even have to tell him to go to sleep. He romped around and crashed a few cars and ate an extreme amount of snacks and pizza so he w...