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An Exaggerated Truth

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I am a hostage. The names of the people holding me hostage may shock you. They have sweet little faces and say cute things but don't be fooled. Their names are Desmond and Omari. Yes, my children. The leader is clearly the one named Omari. He may only be 1 but he is very powerful and scary at times. Sometimes when I am in the kitchen he appears out of nowhere. He uses his powerful grip to take hold of my leg and he only let's go when he wants to! He makes me move around with him hanging on and no matter how hard I try, I cannot break free. Desmond has night duty. He makes me lay down with him and Omari until they fall asleep. Many nights I end up falling asleep in their room. On the occasions that I do break free, I have to become a snake and slither out their room. I don't dare to breath because they will indeed hear it - they have impeccable hearing. Once I am out, I have to somehow walk on air so they will not hear my footsteps and the annoying creaks in the floor. Why does the floor have to be so loud?? Curse you floors! I am still not breathing at this point. Once I have quietly reached the main area of the house, I take my first breath...quietly. I open cabinets in the kitchen...quietly. I turn on the water....quietly. Success! It is not until I get comfortable in my bed that they come creeping in. Don't breath and don't move. Maybe they will not notice I am in here. It's like something out of a horror movie. I am frozen with fear!

They do give me the freedom to roam around the house as long as I am doing something for them. I have scheduled times for when I can take care of personal duties but I never know when they will interrupt me so I have to do things quickly and quietly. I get bathroom breaks but they are often interrupted with a pee pee song from my 1 year old or a bang on the door or a "mommy wipe butt?" Oh and I can't lock the door because I am afraid my little captor will hurt himself so he will bust in the door at unknown times and demand that "mommy fwnish." Like I said, the 1 year old is the mastermind. The 6 year old is easily occupied with his own interests so he doesn't expect too much from me. I just need to supply him with his favorite snacks and toys and video games to play with or I am summoned outside to watch him ride his bike up and down the street. He is a little easier to negotiate with.

This is not the typical hostage situation though. I do not want to flee to safety and I am happy. They do not have the run of this house either. Let's be clear, I am the Queen of the castle. It's just hilarious to me that I have no privacy and I have to tip toe around my house. They are awesome boys and they love me so and for that I am very thankful. However, I need to make my life a little easier around this house. My husband and I are trying to get a little tighter with making the kids stay in their room for bedtime. We got a bunk bed for the kids over the weekend and thought that would be the magical moment where everything would click and the kids would stay in their rooms. Let's just say things do not happen overnight. We woke up this morning to our 2 little ones in the bed. My poor husband was half on the bed and half off. It's okay. We will get there. Slowly but surely. Right?

My favorite sons!



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